Why not me?

On Monday night I was leading a Bible study called "How could God allow suffering and evil?" On Friday, I was told I had a very suspicious, probably malignant tumor. By the following Thursday, that suspicion was confirmed. I had cancer. Really? Me?

That "Thursday" was yesterday (04/17/14) and I have to admit it all still seems surreal. 

Yes - I've wondered why and why me. Surely, that is a normal reaction. Did I not eat right? Did I not exercise enough? Did I expose myself to too many microwave emissions or too many chemicals? Did I ingest too much saccharin? Was it too much coffee and not enough green tea? Was it the sun? Too much charcoal? Red meat? Red dye #2? Not enough fiber?Too much stress, not enough rest? Was I not empathetic enough with my first husband who died from cancer? Why was God letting this happen? (I can't even go there though. Too many dear, dear, godly people have suffered so much worse!)

And so, I've landed on "Why not me?"

God's first covenant was made with Noah - after God destroyed the earth, He promised never to do that again. "I will never again curse the ground on account of man...and I will never again destroy every living thing, as I have done." - Genesis 8:21 

When God made that promise, He was also saying - I may be sorry once again that I made man (Gen. 6:6), but I won't wipe you off the face of the earth because of that. And I believe that since that time, man has done a pretty good job of destroying himself - without any need for assistance!

From the beginning, God gave us choice, and none of us have handled that very well - starting with Adam and Eve. Since the fall, this has not been a world that God could look upon and declare good. I truly believe that. I believe He loves me - flawed as I am - and grieves and weeps with me. I also believe that He will work this out for the good. Just like His Word promises.

This morning's Psalm - Number 18 - says "He rescued me, because He delighted in me." I already had that highlighted in my Bible. I am His child - rescued because He delighted in me. He does not delight in pain and suffering or abuse or neglect or poverty or war or cancer! He is the God who girds me with strength and makes my way blameless (through Christ!)

And verse 19 - which offers me hope for whatever lies ahead and hence the title for this blog: "For You have girded me with strength for the battle."

I know this will be a battle, and I know I will have to do things I don't want to do. So for now, I'm asking all my friends to pray for me and for Roger and the rest of my family who love me. On Monday, I will have a consultation that will be about scheduling more tests. This will be the staging phase - to see just how far my cancer has progressed. Please pray that it was discovered early. 

"I love you, O Lord, my strength."
- Psalm 18:1