Faith.
It's something we all live by. Every step we take is taken in faith.
What makes us different is who or what we put our faith in. When I was younger, I put my faith in my parents and then when I became a little older - and oh so much wiser! - I started putting my faith in myself. Big mistake, because that just comes with all kinds of limitations.
It's not until something happens to us that is beyond our control that I truly believe we learn to move from self-reliance to God-reliance.
When Roger and I started dating, we hadn't known each other too long before we had a great discussion about our faith. We had both come through some difficult and trying times and we talked about how we had done that only by and with the grace of God. We both said that we believed we could go through anything because of our faith in Him.
It was probably at that moment that I started realizing I loved Roger. (Of course, his dazzling wit and good looks had already tantalized me!) But this was the missing piece that sort of sealed the deal for me - finding someone who had a deep faith in the Lord.
People are asking us about how we can have such peace since my cancer diagnosis. We believe it's because of our faith.
We both know that no matter what happens God is still sovereign. His Word tells me that my days are numbered in His book. He is sovereign over death and life. He is sovereign over every breath I draw. He knows the ending from the beginning. Believing Him as the sovereign Lord of all is THE most liberating feeling in the world. It makes me realize just how little is really dependent on me and what I do.
And when I take my last breath, I am comforted in knowing that I will be with Him forever because I have put my faith in Christ and His righteousness and what He has done that makes me righteous --- not my own righteousness.
We are like the man who building a house, dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. "When a flood came, the current struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built." - Luke 6:48
Cancer has been that flood for us this year. But our foundation has been built on the rock, and we are unshaken!
For those of you who are wondering how I'm doing, I'm doing great. I am probably in better physical condition then I've been in for a long time. I am still eating my raw fruits and vegetables and starting to learn a little more about how to have some variety in all this. (Did you know that you can make taco "meat" from ground walnuts?) It's been four-and-a-half weeks on this regimen, and it's not easy. I'm still exercising - walking and jumping on my trampoline which is good for the lymph system - and keeping my stress level at an all time low!
This Sunday, I'm starting a study of Judges in our Sunday School class. It truly is an amazing study of God's mercy and grace as His chosen people live as they see fit without a king and turn their back on God, and time and time again He delivers them! There is such hope for us!
"I love you, O Lord, my strength."
You reap what you sow.
That's a law of nature. A law of God.
If you plant corn seeds, you'll get corn. Tomato plants yield tomatoes and on and on.
Unless God intervenes and causes a miracle to occur, you will always reap the consequences of your choices.
I've been told they know one thing about the cancer that is in my body. It is not genetic. That has caused me to stop and really examine my lifestyle for these past few years.
For the past almost three years, I have become more sedentary. I've been sitting at a desk working on a computer and really not doing much physically to tax myself. I've also gotten progressively worse about what I eat. You may look at me and think I must be eating right because I'm not carrying excessive weight. But please don't judge the inside by looking at the outside!
My body has rebelled as a result of my choices. That's right - they have been my choices.
The Bible says God is in the heaven and He does whatever pleases Him. (Psalm 115:3) And He allows us to do the very same thing - whatever we please.
He has given us certain truths to live by and when we violate them, there are consequences. I don't believe God gave me cancer. I believe He gave me the freedom of choice to either take care of myself or not. I have sinned by abusing the perfectly good genetic structure that I have been blessed with. As a result, there is a tumor in my body.
We are all fearfully and wonderfully made. The body is designed to take care of itself and to prevent disease IF given the proper fuel.
This cancer in me is a wakeup call. An opportunity for me to turn my lifestyle around and to thank God once again for His mercy and grace.
That's why I've chosen the path to healing that I've chosen. If you think it's easier than drugs and surgery and I'm a big chicken sitting around doing nothing - you're wrong! For almost three weeks, I've eaten NOTHING BUT RAW FRUITS AND VEGETABLES, SEEDS and a couple of slices of Ezekiel bread. I've exercised and meditated and gotten sunshine and rest. I've juiced carrots and am pretty sure I will soon turn orange! I have totally turned my lifestyle around and it's not easy to make that many changes and stick with them all.
I also know that my body didn't get in the state that it is in overnight. It took time, and it is going to take time to turn it around.
Yes, there will be lots of lessons learned as a result of this journey. The first one I have come to terms with and accepted is that you really do reap what you sow. Thank goodness I have faithfully sown to my Spirit!
And the picture? Well, I really didn't have an image for reaping and sowing, so I decided I would show off three of the reasons I am working hard at turning my life around!
"I love you, O Lord, my strength."
They --- whoever "they" are --- say the longer you live with someone, the more you become like them. I married a goon, and he seems to be bringing the inner goon out in me as you can see from our Halloween 2013 escapade! And when I relay the path we are now walking on this journey of cancer, some of you are REALLY going to think we've lost our minds.
But before I go there, I need to tell you a little about my past life. Some of you who know me well know the path I have walked.
In January, 2001, my first husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. He had surgery and six months of chemo and then received a diagnosis of "No evidence of disease." Six months later it reappeared in his liver and he fought it for about another year before he died in March 2003. Having watched all that he went through and knowing all that I went through in those two years, I really didn't want to take this path.
This past Monday we met my oncologist. She was in the same building - Sarah Cannon Cancer Center - in the same offices/waiting rooms/treatment rooms/etc. - that I spent two years of my life in earlier. I hated being in that place. Roger said he had never seen me that down.
Don't get me wrong - the nurses, techs, receptionists, doctors - they were as nice as they could be all through my husband's ordeal. I just didn't like sitting there having all kinds of negative flashbacks.
If I could have just gone around a room full of people and picked a doctor - not knowing anything about his/her skills - I might have picked my oncologist, Dr. Johanna Bendell. She is young, attractive, personable, and in any other type of meeting - she appears to be someone I could have a good time with. However, I didn't like anything she had to say to me about their plan of treatment for my disturbance.
Her recommendation is the placement of a port and a 24/7 pump that would keep chemo going through me for 6 weeks and radiation treatments during those 6 weeks as well. Then, 6 weeks for my body to recover...surgery (which my surgeon has already told me is going to be "very, very difficult")...and then 4 more months of chemo! I told her I didn't want to do that which pretty much took her by complete surprise. After I explained why I didn't, she suggested that they watch me and monitor my progress and do another scan in 2 months - to which I agreed.
A dear friend of mine - Kathy Hardin - is fighting breast cancer the natural way and is winning! Hallelujah! She has shared with me two of the best, most uplifting resources someone in my position could ever want. The first is a website by a guy who beat colorectal cancer in 2004 - the site is chrisbeatcancer. The second is a book called "Radical Remission." There are thousands of documented cases of people who have made radical changes in their lifestyle and as a result have won this battle. Roger and I have decided that's the way we want to go - so we (mostly me - ha!) are making those lifestyle changes.
I am eating 100% raw fruits and vegetables and have been for two weeks. I occasionally eat some Ezekiel Bread to break things up a bit. (Boy, do I every relate to the Israelites asking "manna again?") We have put in a reverse-osmosis water system for drinking and cooking. I have detoxed in a lot of different ways - fasting and massage therapy being the main ones so far. As soon as our new juicer is here, I'll be juicing carrot juice. I am exercising - either disco dancing in the house or jumping on our new trampoline outside! I have totally eliminated coffee - not because it was bad, but because I was drinking so much and I am now more aware of how it may have over-stimulated my nervous system. I have dropped most all of my responsibilities - except teaching Sunday School and singing on our praise team at church - two of the most uplifting things I do. I am taking some herbal supplements. And, I am meditating daily!
I actually feel better than I have in a long time. People are coming up to me and looking at me like "Didn't I hear you had cancer? You look good!"
I truly believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God. The more I learn about the body as I research this thing - the more I realize just how true that is! I believe that by neglecting my body it has gotten into this mess. I further believe that by working really hard to reverse that it can be turned around.
There are thousands of cases where people have done it! I believe I can be another one!
And please, those of you who have won this battle and done it through conventional medicine - more power to you! I personally know many of you and I admire you. Know that this decision wasn't made in haste. It was made after a lot of research and with much prayer. Trust me - it isn't easy to look a doctor in the face and say I'm not going to do it your way --- especially when it involves your life!
For those of you who have been praying for me - THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! We have felt such a peace through this and ask that you will continue to pray for wisdom and healing.
In the meantime - I've bought myself two months to enjoy as best I can focusing on me! I'm looking forward to having some fun. Who's game?
"I love you, O Lord, my strength." - Psalm 18:1
